(3) I am afraid, very very afraid

...not of being dead but of the gruesome joyless process of getting to be that way.

I am unvaxxed

Combining the health decline of ageing with genocide is a pretty scary place to be.

I am one of the victims of the genocide and I have to watch my fate in slow motion - as do potentially hundreds of thousands of others who have been laid low by the vax, or by shedding or by chemtrails or by 5G, or whatever it is that has assaulted us in the last 4 years of what I call “the covid era”. I was diagnosed with melanoma in December last year and breast cancer a week ago: two different cancers with two different and incompatible treatments, even were I inclined to go down the mainstream path, which I am not.

And when we are faced with diagnosis, the decision making process is horrific. So is the hysteria and bullying from medical personnel who are determined to rush you straight into their brutal and mostly pointless treatments with no thinking or contemplation time.

What diagnostic processes to accept

You have to make decisions as to what diagnostic processes to accept - all damaging to the body in their own right, but probably recoverable. I have submitted myself, in the last three months to:

• surgery to remove the first melanoma

• PET scan (which identified the breast tumour)

• MRI scan

• breast ultrasound x 2

• groin ultrasound

• carotid ultrasound

• kidney ultrasound

• mammogram

• breast biopsy

I have let them cut me twice so far, all the time reluctant to do so because, if we are dealing with parasite sacs, we have just caused metastases. I have not seen anywhere what to do to reduce that risk. I hit myself hard after the breast biopsy with a high dose of fenbendazole and ivermectin just in case they might do something. I was too scared to use black salve on the biopsy wound because who knows what kind of mess it can create deep inside a fairly substantial breast?

What treatment to accept

Now they want to:

• re-open the melanoma wound and “scrape it out”, and remove the closest lymph nodes. The wound will require a skin graft to heal.

• enter surgery to remove the breast lump, at which time I have to sign over the right for them to extend the process from a lumpectomy to a partial or a full mastectomy if they see fit - while I am under.

And all the while they are saying hurry hurry hurry, after all, “we are just trying to save you life”. “Be obedient, be compliant, we are just trying to save your life.”

As I live alone and am decision making alone, I am deliberately slowing the process down, despite medical bullying and hysteria, because I cannot afford to drop my bundle. I have to keep myself sane during this entire process because I have no-one to pick up the pieces if I collapse, either physically or emotionally. Most importantly I have no-one to talk through the logical pros and cons of any course of action, and no-one to help me keep positive.

So I am dragging everything out while I give myself time to calm down, reclaim some kind of centre, and adjust to the potential horrors of my future. I seem to do this rather strange thing. I panic if I think about knives and needles, and open wounds, and sticky bandages, and pain, and how to shower without getting the wound wet, and all the rest of it. But if I leave it alone for a while, giving myself permission not to think about it until I am ready, some time down the track, like magic, “the penny drops”. I wake up one day able to think about it calmly and clearly and make a firm decision as to my next step. Doctors hate that. A few more days, or weeks or even months risking metastases. But as I see it, I don’t have a choice.

Meanwhile I am treating myself

But I am not sitting on my hands. I am cycling through a few protocols involving various mixtures of, as the primary treatment:

• fenbendazole

• ivermectin

• artemisinin

…and with an impressive array of supportive treatments, protective treatments, and one-off anti-cancer hits. We are actually spoilt for choice - there are so many options and so little help with deciding which of those options is right in each personal circumstance. (Note that I do not have access either physically or financially to an integrative or holistic doctor.)

My treatment focus is anti-parasitic

Essentially I am treating three diseases, fibromyalgia, long covid and cancers. This is what I have tried to explain to any doctor who will listen. I tell them that if they do not treat the FMS and the long-covid, I would rather be dead, as life has become pretty unlivable. They get frightened that I am suicidal, doh, and want me to focus on just destroying the cancers without thinking about what kind of life I am working my way into! They don’t seem to understand that you must WANT to live, and I am not sure I do want to live. My personal future looks bleak and so does the future of this once beautiful world.

My first ray of sunlight for many years

But actually, this process has brought the first glimmer of light I have experienced in many years. What if I can escape the constant incessant nagging pain and stiffness of FMS. I did have around 10 years free of it, in my 20s and 30s, when I was smoking more than just tobacco. Whether it was the nicotine or the THC that freed up my body, during those 10 years, who will ever know. All I do know is that I did not experience Fibromyalgia for those 10 years. What if I can get free of that pain again for my last few years? What a blessing that would be.

For the first time in my life, it has occurred to me that the fibromyalgia that has beset me since I was 14, might be parasitic. And we all know that covid related issues are probably parasitic. And it has been long thought by alternative practitioners, that cancer is parasitic. So my logic - if I treat myself with a variety of strong anti-parasitics, I might just get free of the pain of FMS and the pain and exhaustion of the long covid, and if I get over the cancer as well, or keep it below the pain threshold, that is a bonus.

I am already experiencing the benefits

I have been stretching out the diagnostic processes for the cancers, and, despite the pretty strong treatments I have been using, the breast tumour does not appear to have shrunk. BUT. While I am on the artemisinin protocol, I take one 500mg fenbendazole tablet with my midday meal as a additional hit. About an hour later, my legs are light and move much more freely, and that lasts for about an hour until I stiffen up again. The Fenbendazole is doing something, even if it is pretty immediate and pretty short term. Might I get a window between now and my death, where I can live out of pain? That is my hope and it is the first time I have had that hope for quite a few years now.

One aspect of long covid was (note the past tense) brain fog. That succumbed to a different treatment - I did what Bryan Ardis says and wore a nicotine patch for 6 days and then again, after a few days break, for another 6 days. My brain came back, better than ever. I can now write in the evening which I have never been able to do before. I have not had to repeat it, although I have the next box of patches sitting in my medicine draw patiently waiting until it is needed. What else does nicotine treat, I wonder? I might put the next patch on now and hope it is compatible with artemisinin and fenbendazole.

And I have found a helpful doctor

I don’t know if he is a good doctor, but he is a caring doctor and a helpful doctor. What a rarity that is! I saw him yesterday and asked if he would help in just one area, and one area only. I told him I am self-medicating for the cancers and will probably not go ahead with any more surgery, and will definitely never agree to any drug therapies. That means I have to up the dose of the treatments I am taking, particularly fenbendazole, which might challenge my liver. Would he be willing to order regular blood tests for me that I would use at the end of each specific protocol - so every few weeks - to see what each is doing, particularly to my liver. He not only agreed, but suggested a few other blood tests he would like to see done as well. What a relief. He has not only agreed but has engaged with the process. Wow, I have an agreement that a doctor will help me monitor my blood while I do illegal things to my body. That’s a major success!

But still, I am very very afraid

I have no relatives left alive. I have no friends living locally. When I die I have to die alone. If I lose my reason, I have no-one to protect me from what has become a very sinister aged care system. Being a pretty determined sort of person, I decided to try to get “end of life” care systems in place that could be called on when required, to at least keep me out of the live-in care system for as long as possible. Not possible it seems. You can’t pre-arrange anything for when you need it. And you have to pay for it all - admittedly at subsidised prices, but still too much if you have zero disposable income. All those nutraceuticals are consuming more than I can afford already. Scores of phone calls later and I have succeeded in putting nothing into place for if/when I need it.

And my big new dream?

While I was scanning the web for information on apricot kernels, I came across a website for alternative treatment clinics in Mexico. What would I do if I had enough money to fund it? I would go to one of those clinics and then see about living out my days somewhere bright, and colorful and joyful. Two nights later I had a dream where I was walking down narrow cobbled streets lined with street vendors selling bright embroidered fabric items, actually more like Bolivia than Mexico. There were two other women with me and we were chattering happily. I asked them if I could afford to live there, and they told me I could choose between any of three rooms, now, today - far from luxury but “soft” feminine rooms decorated again in lots of colourful fabrics. I woke up seriously excited and happy.

So how can I do that? How can I make enough income to fund me to a clinic in Mexico and from there, to who knows where?

Can you help?

I intend to keep writing of my journey through this rather strange time in my life, and for this planet. Hopefully my story becomes exciting as I cross normal barriers to find solutions. As soon as I know, you will know what does and does not work to exorcise this bio-weapon from our bodies. You can help me get more subscriptions and donations by sharing this this article and this Substack on other social media platforms, and by re-stacking this and subsequent articles in Substack Notes, Maybe, with luck, I can pay for some imaginative and KIND treatment and get to walk down joyous and colourful cobbled streets feeling well again.

And if you see value in me sharing my journey, and would personally like to help me get to Mexico for treatments that are illegal in the West, you can make a one-off donation through PayPal below.